YONI SPEAK
Articles on Feminine Power,
Sexuality, Spirituality & More
Sexuality, Spirituality & More
Recently, I revisited Peggy Ornstein's insightful book, "Girls and Sex," penned in 2016. It was a journey to reconnect with her research and insights into various aspects of girls' experiences and perspectives on sexuality, relationships, and identity. I wanted to see if there had been any shifts since the book's publication and, if so, what they were. Did girls still navigate similar challenges in the realms of sex, dating, and the infamous hook-up culture? As someone deeply entrenched in teaching women's sexuality and serving as a sex educator for years, I found some of the anecdotes from young women disheartening. Their accounts of navigating the patriarchal landscapes of college life, particularly within dorms, sororities, or frat houses, shed light on persistent issues. Questions lingered: Was the outdated excuse of "boys will be boys" still prevalent, especially within fraternities? Did girls still feel pressured to conform, to be sexually active, to be seen as fun, despite the potential drawbacks of the hook-up scene? Reflecting on the narratives shared, I couldn't help but wonder about the underlying implications of the hook-up culture. Did the need for alcohol to facilitate casual encounters suggest a deeper issue with self-perception? It appeared that despite societal progress, the hook-up scene remained skewed in favor of male desires, often overlooking female satisfaction and emotional needs. While some women may find temporary liberation or exploration in casual encounters, it often comes at a cost. Many remain unaware of their sexual preferences or feel too embarrassed to voice their desires. For them, losing their virginity or engaging in non-committal encounters becomes more about fitting in than finding fulfillment. Listening to contemporary accounts, it's apparent that satisfaction with hook-up dynamics remains elusive for many women. The casual nature of these encounters often precludes emotional intimacy, leaving participants unfulfilled and disconnected. There's a prevailing sentiment that getting too close to a hook-up partner is discouraged, as it blurs the lines into traditional dating, which itself seems to be viewed as antiquated or undesirable. ![]() Drawing from personal experiences, I acknowledge the allure of casual encounters as a means of exploration, but also recognize their limitations. Like many, I traversed my twenties experimenting with casual hook-ups, yet found true sexual empowerment only through self-discovery and leaving behind the hook-up scene. Taking charge of my pleasure became paramount, as I realized that relying solely on a partner for satisfaction was unsustainable. Regrettably, it seems that despite the passage of time, the dynamics of the hook-up culture remain largely unchanged. Women, especially those inexperienced in sexual matters, continue to encounter one-sided encounters where their needs are often sidelined. It's disheartening to realize that decades later, many young women still grapple with similar challenges and frustrations. In contrast, dating emerges as a platform for genuine connection and exploration. It offers the opportunity to engage with others on a deeper level, fostering communication and understanding. For those seeking meaningful relationships, dating serves as a vital tool for gauging compatibility and shared goals. Ultimately, the question persists: Does the prevalent hook-up culture truly empower women, or does it ensnare them in the illusion of liberation? While there may be fleeting benefits, the broader impact on women's sexual autonomy and fulfillment warrants critical examination. We need to talk openly respect each other, and build real connections to improve things. By focusing on understanding ourselves, feeling strong, and ensuring we're happy, We can make relationships more fulfilling for everyone. It's time to move past just seeking quick thrills and start valuing deep connections and real pleasure in our relationships. Moving forward, fostering a culture that values open communication, mutual respect, and genuine emotional connection is paramount to reshaping perceptions and practices surrounding sexuality and relationships. Encouraging self-exploration, empowerment, and prioritizing individual fulfillment can pave the way for more fulfilling, enriching experiences for all individuals, transcending the limitations of a culture fixated on fleeting pleasures and superficial connections.
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I have delineated five basic aspects of the goddesses of love and sexuality. They are love and beauty, or the Goddess of Love, Sensuality and Beauty, the instinctual feminine, or the Primal Goddess, the Sexual Initiatress who encompasses both the sexual healer and sacred Courtesan. These aspects represent our sexual expression in a variety of roles. In our modern world, women are still greatly influenced by the images of women in the media that they see. We only see one or two aspects that are often very limited in how they portray women and women's sexual empowerment. Women often fear, hide, are ashamed, or exploit their sexual power. Even if they don't know that they are doing so. Very few women fully understand what their authentic feminine power is and how to use it. We don't know how to embody it. When images of the feminine are distorted to fit a particular cultural standard that has been defined by patriarchal standards of femininity, we forget what it feels like to be whole, sexually empowered and integrated with all aspects of our sexual expression. We forget how to stand strong, feel beautiful, confident, safe in our bodies and be in control of our sexual energy. What I have come to realize is that all women have all of these aspects of the goddess of love within them, and we need to integrate all of them; to learn how to be comfortable with each aspect so that we can feel whole, sovereign, and free to express all of our sexual roles and yet not be defined by them. . Embracing the Goddesses of Love in You The first thing is to begin to understand who these images of the feminine are to you personally is to take the time to find out who you most identify with. Ask yourself these questions:
For the most part, women have been forced to use their sexuality to survive. We see throughout history that women’s sexual power has been feared, her body a symbol of life and the power to create was made to seem evil, something that tempted men away from the divine. Through getting to know the various archetypes of the goddess which represent feminine sexuality and love we can begin to learn more about ourselves and our sexual expression. We can also begin to embody more of the qualities we wish to express. If you would like to become more comfortable with and integrate all of aspects of your sexual expression via these archetypes of the Goddess of Love please get my Living Goddess Guide, Redefining Your Erotic Sense of Self. You will not only recieve my guide but also my personal workbook of What's Your Sexy, Which Goddess of Love Are You. Click Below for Your Guide.
![]() For hundreds if not thousands of year’s men have been dictating the standards of beauty to women. No matter what time in history beautiful women have been admired, sculpted, painted and sought after. Being beautiful was something that every woman wanted to be for being beautiful gave women power over men. Look at Helen of Troy who started the Trojan War she was considered the most beautiful woman of her time, and her face was said to have launched a thousand ships. Being beautiful gave a woman an edge in the world of men. Today, just like sex, beauty has become a commodity. Beauty is cash currency and in the modeling industry it is sold as a lifestyle. In the documentary Chasing Beauty these stats were shared. "25% of young American women would rather be on Americas's Next Model than win the Nobel Peace Prize and 23% would rather lose their ability to read than lose their figure." Naomi Wolf in her book The Beauty Myth, shares how women for decades has been sold a bill of goods by the marketing moguls of Madison Ave., and that women have believed them. The standards of beauty continue to be dictated by the men and women who create the fashion industry. Hollywood the music industry and MTV are brainwashing not only young women but girls as well and we continue to believe that we are not the right kind of beautiful or not beautiful enough. In each era, you will find the standards of what defines beauty in a woman changes. In one era, it might be ivory skin, tiny waist, rosy cheeks, and in another being voluptuous and full figured or as in our own day, being a top model or blonde, skinny and busty resembling our favorite icon Barbie. ![]() I find it interesting that women themselves have had very little say as to what they feel defines being a beautiful is. We allow ourselves to be told over and over again how we should look, act, dress, smell and be. Don’t you think it is the time that we women take our power back from the dictates of these megala industries, from anyone who has told us what it means to be a beautiful woman and finally decide for ourselves? Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, we must train ourselves and our daughters to see beauty in your/herself and to begin to question what the media and the collective consensus is telling you and her. We have the opportunity to move forward at this time and to change the status quo. For never has there been a more urgent need to do so. It makes me heartsick to see another generation of girls grow up thinking that being beautiful is the only value that they have and that being beautiful has to look a certain way and by being beautiful you will be more valued than if you are not. I dare you to take the time to discover where you too may have been or still are in some way supporting a system that is detrimental to the health and well being of women and girls everywhere. I invite you to take the lead in being a woman who dares to define for herself what being a powerful, strong and beautiful woman is. To become a living example for the new generations. ![]() I recently revisited the growing fad of what is commonly called, labiaplasty as I did an article on some years ago. I wanted to see where things are today and because I also teach about sexuality to women and girls. Since 2016 there has been a 39% increase in labiaplasty surgeries. which can roughly be estimated at more than 12,000 women. This fact still astonishes me and saddens me at the same time. Recent research done by Refinery 29 who took a poll of 3,670 women stated that 48% of them were concerned about the way their vulvas looked. “A third (32%) of women told us they had been made to feel that theirs were not "normal", and when we gave them the chance to expand on this, their accounts made for a disheartening read. Porn was cited time and again, with 72% of women who compare their vagina or vulva to others' referring to it. One woman described her labia as "larger" than she has seen depicted by the industry, another said hers "doesn’t look like what [she sees] in porn," while another summed up the problem perfectly: porn, she said, depicts "vaginas that all look basically the same". (Refinery 29) As a writer and teacher about women's sexuality, and founder of a new program for teen girls, Sasse Girls, (Sexually Aware, Smart and Savvy Girls), I have to do my research and keep up with the times. With more and more young girls and boys being exposed to porn and learning about sex and body image from this medium, the damage to girls self-esteem and the demands of physical perfection that are projected on to them is on the rise. The lack of adequate sex education in most states including many schools in California is appalling, and kids are turning to what is available to them to learn from about sex. The fact that the porn industry has taken over this job by default is a fact and is something that could be changed. There are much better ways to learn about sexual intimacy and all that it encompasses. "Porn also feeds body-image woes indirectly via partners' viewing habits. Time and again, research has flagged its pernicious effect on heterosexual male viewers – links have been drawn between viewing porn and issues ranging from erectile dysfunction and unprotected sex to potentially even the shrinking of the male brain – and judging from our survey, women’s self-perception is a major piece of collateral damage. Men's views of the female body appear to have been severely skewed by porn, with many respondents telling us they’d been made to feel their vulva or vagina was "abnormal" by an ex-partner." ~ Refinery 29. What Can You Do?
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