YONI SPEAK
Articles on Feminine Power,
Sexuality, Spirituality & More
Sexuality, Spirituality & More
 Recently, I revisited Peggy Ornstein's insightful book, "Girls and Sex," penned in 2016. It was a journey to reconnect with her research and insights into various aspects of girls' experiences and perspectives on sexuality, relationships, and identity. I wanted to see if there had been any shifts since the book's publication and, if so, what they were. Did girls still navigate similar challenges in the realms of sex, dating, and the infamous hook-up culture? As someone deeply entrenched in teaching women's sexuality and serving as a sex educator for years, I found some of the anecdotes from young women disheartening. Their accounts of navigating the patriarchal landscapes of college life, particularly within dorms, sororities, or frat houses, shed light on persistent issues. Questions lingered: Was the outdated excuse of "boys will be boys" still prevalent, especially within fraternities? Did girls still feel pressured to conform, to be sexually active, to be seen as fun, despite the potential drawbacks of the hook-up scene? Reflecting on the narratives shared, I couldn't help but wonder about the underlying implications of the hook-up culture. Did the need for alcohol to facilitate casual encounters suggest a deeper issue with self-perception? It appeared that despite societal progress, the hook-up scene remained skewed in favor of male desires, often overlooking female satisfaction and emotional needs. While some women may find temporary liberation or exploration in casual encounters, it often comes at a cost. Many remain unaware of their sexual preferences or feel too embarrassed to voice their desires. For them, losing their virginity or engaging in non-committal encounters becomes more about fitting in than finding fulfillment. Listening to contemporary accounts, it's apparent that satisfaction with hook-up dynamics remains elusive for many women. The casual nature of these encounters often precludes emotional intimacy, leaving participants unfulfilled and disconnected. There's a prevailing sentiment that getting too close to a hook-up partner is discouraged, as it blurs the lines into traditional dating, which itself seems to be viewed as antiquated or undesirable.  Drawing from personal experiences, I acknowledge the allure of casual encounters as a means of exploration, but also recognize their limitations. Like many, I traversed my twenties experimenting with casual hook-ups, yet found true sexual empowerment only through self-discovery and leaving behind the hook-up scene. Taking charge of my pleasure became paramount, as I realized that relying solely on a partner for satisfaction was unsustainable. Regrettably, it seems that despite the passage of time, the dynamics of the hook-up culture remain largely unchanged. Women, especially those inexperienced in sexual matters, continue to encounter one-sided encounters where their needs are often sidelined. It's disheartening to realize that decades later, many young women still grapple with similar challenges and frustrations. In contrast, dating emerges as a platform for genuine connection and exploration. It offers the opportunity to engage with others on a deeper level, fostering communication and understanding. For those seeking meaningful relationships, dating serves as a vital tool for gauging compatibility and shared goals. Ultimately, the question persists: Does the prevalent hook-up culture truly empower women, or does it ensnare them in the illusion of liberation? While there may be fleeting benefits, the broader impact on women's sexual autonomy and fulfillment warrants critical examination. We need to talk openly respect each other, and build real connections to improve things. By focusing on understanding ourselves, feeling strong, and ensuring we're happy, We can make relationships more fulfilling for everyone. It's time to move past just seeking quick thrills and start valuing deep connections and real pleasure in our relationships. Moving forward, fostering a culture that values open communication, mutual respect, and genuine emotional connection is paramount to reshaping perceptions and practices surrounding sexuality and relationships. Encouraging self-exploration, empowerment, and prioritizing individual fulfillment can pave the way for more fulfilling, enriching experiences for all individuals, transcending the limitations of a culture fixated on fleeting pleasures and superficial connections.
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 Women's sexual power has been under fire for thousands of years and the feminine soul dismembered. This has happened not only to us individually, but to us collectively. The soul of the feminine is both personal and part of the collective since what we feel about the feminine personally is what makes up the collective field. Once these ideas of the feminine are accepted by the people they become the norm. and once the male-dominator culture was in place the former world based on feminine values was replaced by the patriarchy. How Did This Happen? About 3,000 thousand years ago there was a shift in power that took place from a culture that was Mother Goddess based to one that was becoming based on a Father God. Essentially, when the male-dominator culture and the patriarchy began to overtake the world and the Judeo-Christian patriarchs purposefully crafted a new creation story. The role of women was rewritten to show that all women were subservient to men who were superior beings because they created life. The original Goddess-based creation story was one where Lilith the First Woman was partners with Adam and they were both created from the Earth. Lilith was also considered the Mother of Creation as all living beings are born of woman. It was changed to the story we have now of Lilith being cast out of Eden and becoming a demoness, Eve being born of Adam's rib and becoming his helpmate but soon to be blamed for the downfall of all humanity. The men of that time wanted power over the people. The best way to get this power was to change the stories and the mythology of the culture that they wished to control. So these men gave power to a male God, who could create life, was all-powerful, and to be feared. Gradually over time, maybe hundreds of years after each generation was born, the stories of the mother goddess and how she created life and was the source of life, were changed to fit this agenda and accepted by the people. These powerful men wanted to make sure that the Goddess no longer stood as the primary giver of all life, and that she no longer could influence the people. Women who were the physical representation of the Goddess had to also have their power and rights limited and later taken away as well. This was the beginning of the dismemberment of the collective feminine soul which is still happening even today. The feminine soul has been purposefully chipped away at by powerful men of each era, whether for political gain, or religious or economic control. The one thing that all of these men feared and many men still fear is a woman's authentic feminine power, her sexual power. Women's sexual charisma and power were just "too hot to handle". Before this era of male domination the Goddess and women were held in high esteem and men and women worked together as partners. Women's sexual power was natural and honored.  What is Authentic Feminine Power?
When I speak of a woman's authentic feminine power I am speaking about your sexual power. Women by nature of their biology have a power that men can never have. That power is to create life as well as their natural sexual charisma. Beyond these two basic issues, a woman's full sexual power includes not only the power of her sex, but the power of her intellect, her love, her courage, her wrath, her wildness, and her sovereignty. And so, to control women and limit their influence over men who could easily be distracted, a culture of misogyny and rape was created to last thousands of years. Our authentic feminine power also lies in our ability to know our bodies as sacred and holy. To reclaim our body as our own to do with as we choose, when we choose. Our power lies in knowing that we are sovereign a whole unto ourselves, and in our ability to take back our role as the sexual iniaitress. This was always the role of women to initiate men into the sacred sensual arts of love. Women were always the teachers of the arts of love because they understood the power of their shakti and sexual energy. But with the demise of the Mother Goddess as the Creatress of life, women no longer had power over their own sexuality. Reclaiming our feminine soul also means that we reclaim the story of Eve and the blame put upon all women for the downfall of humanity. Reclaiming our innocence must start with each individual. Each woman must decide for herself that she is innocent, that her body is the temple of the Goddess, and that her sex is divine. Her nature is not to serve man but to partner with him to co-create a world where women are seen once again as the emissaries of the divine feminine and men of the divine masculine. When you reclaim the innocence of your body, the sacredness of your sex, and your sovereignty, you restore the feminine back to its original state of purity and potency. You begin to reconnect with your essential feminine power and rewrite the story of Eve for all women.  I have delineated five basic aspects of the goddesses of love and sexuality. They are love and beauty, or the Goddess of Love, Sensuality and Beauty, the instinctual feminine, or the Primal Goddess, the Sexual Initiatress who encompasses both the sexual healer and sacred Courtesan. These aspects represent our sexual expression in a variety of roles. In our modern world, women are still greatly influenced by the images of women in the media that they see. We only see one or two aspects that are often very limited in how they portray women and women's sexual empowerment. Women often fear, hide, are ashamed, or exploit their sexual power. Even if they don't know that they are doing so. Very few women fully understand what their authentic feminine power is and how to use it. We don't know how to embody it. When images of the feminine are distorted to fit a particular cultural standard that has been defined by patriarchal standards of femininity, we forget what it feels like to be whole, sexually empowered and integrated with all aspects of our sexual expression. We forget how to stand strong, feel beautiful, confident, safe in our bodies and be in control of our sexual energy. What I have come to realize is that all women have all of these aspects of the goddess of love within them, and we need to integrate all of them; to learn how to be comfortable with each aspect so that we can feel whole, sovereign, and free to express all of our sexual roles and yet not be defined by them. . Embracing the Goddesses of Love in You The first thing is to begin to understand who these images of the feminine are to you personally is to take the time to find out who you most identify with. Ask yourself these questions:
For the most part, women have been forced to use their sexuality to survive. We see throughout history that women’s sexual power has been feared, her body a symbol of life and the power to create was made to seem evil, something that tempted men away from the divine. Through getting to know the various archetypes of the goddess which represent feminine sexuality and love we can begin to learn more about ourselves and our sexual expression. We can also begin to embody more of the qualities we wish to express. If you would like to become more comfortable with and integrate all of aspects of your sexual expression via these archetypes of the Goddess of Love please get my Living Goddess Guide, Redefining Your Erotic Sense of Self. You will not only recieve my guide but also my personal workbook of What's Your Sexy, Which Goddess of Love Are You. Click Below for Your Guide.
 There was a time when sex and the act of making love was something that was considered sacred. It was an act that was a gift of the Goddess and as such was honored and thought of as a part of life. Both men and women were often initiated into sacred rites by a specially trained man or woman. Through these rites, a young man or young woman became a responsible adult, someone who was now ready to undertake to contribute to the whole community. As temples were built in honor of the Goddess the responsibility of initiation was given to the temple priestesses. Some women were trained to become Temple Prostitutes, whose main role was to restore men back to wholeness after the war and help them to reconnect with their souls and heart. These women would dance the dance of Shakti and be a vessel for the Goddess to come through. The personal self has stepped out of the way and became a vehicle for the energy of the Goddess to flow through her. In the temple of love, the sacred prostitute’s primary offering to the goddess was her welcoming of the stranger, thought to be the emissary of the gods or perhaps the god incarnate. If she were a maiden, he initiated her into the mysteries of her feminine sexuality under the aegis of the goddess. “The Holy Whore as "a woman, who, through ritual or psychological development, has come to know the spiritual side of her sexuality, her true Eroticism, and lives this out according to her circumstances." -The Sacred Prostitute, Nancy Qualls-Corbett In the fertile areas of the world where people were more agrarian-based, and respected nature and the Goddess, the waring more nomadic tribes began to move across the Bering Strait and invaded these peace-loving people. As a result these nomadic raiders generally wiped out all of the men and boys and intermarried with the women. Over time these goddess-based cultures began to embrace the values of their conquerors. Sex began to become profane with the onset of the Church's gradual annihilation of the role of the goddess. As Christianity became more politically based and the desire for power over the people more prevalent the role of the temple priestesses was diminished. The Demise of seeing sex as a sacred act began when the worship of the goddess was discouraged and all that she represented was no longer being practiced. The sacred feminine went from holy to unholy, from sacred to profane and the sacred prostitute was drastically altered. There came a time when the goddess was no longer worshiped; the physical and spiritual aspects of the feminine were declared evil. From this point on women who represented sexuality and the goddess were also condemned by the Church Patriarchs as, “the embodiment of sensuous seduction, the reason for man’s downfall; she was tempted by evil forces and in turn tempted man.” -The Sacred Prostitute, Nancy Qualls-Corbett So the act of sex was also condemned and taught that it could only be done for the procreation of the species. Sex then became profane and all-natural bodily functions became gross, shameful, and not to be spoken of. As you may know, anything that is forbidden becomes a taboo, and all taboos become desirable. Women are convinced over thousands of years, that having sexual desire is not a feminine quality so that any woman who desired sexual gratification must be unfeminine and a “whore”. Diana Rose Heartman in her article Musings of the Sacred Whore, states, “The word 'whore' actually comes from the Hebrew root word ‘hor’ meaning dark pit or hole. The Spanish word for whore, puta, derives from the Latin term for a well, but the Latin term for the grave, literally "a hole in the earth," is puticuli, meaning womb of rebirth. These terms for whore were not derogatory. The Latin term had its root in the Vedic, an early Sanskrit language, wherein the word puta is defined as pure and holy. The cave, the pit, the hole, and the bottomless black lake were metaphors for the Great Goddess.“ In Kathleen Barry's book, The Prostitution of Sexuality, she says that "sexual exploitation objectifies women by reducing them to sex; sex that incites violence against women and that reduces women to commodities for market exchange. Sexual exploitation is the foundation of women's oppression socially normalized." I have always considered myself to be a sex-positive individual and a rather open-minded woman when it comes to sex practices and all the different ways in which we humans like to "get off" or find our pleasure. As a woman who has been a sex educator and a teacher of sacred sexuality as well as a sexual healer, I have personally experienced what it means to be classified as a "sex worker" by the culture at large.  Today we see the result of these beliefs that have become normalized in our culture. Sex for the most part has become a thriving industry that makes billions of dollars yearly. Who sells these products? Women. It is a woman's body that is the commodity once again, and women, even well-paid women in the sex industry, are unconsciously supporting the system that exploits them and sex.
The prostitution of sexuality is in full swing and because it is big business it is unlikely to change. So what can you do, given that we are living in a world where sex is seen as entertainment rather than a sacred act of love. The following are a few things we can do to help shift sex from the profane back to the sacred.
The change we seek must come from each one of us who wishes to live in a different culture and now is the time to move in the direction of creating a new culture. You don't have to wait for someone else to do it for you. All that is needed is that you take a stand for what you wish to support and see happening in the world and begin to live that way. To teach your children those values and then we begin to create a New World within the old. These are just a few ideas and I welcome any that you may have.  What makes a woman her most alluring? Is it her brains, beauty, wit, charm, or sex appeal? What are the elements that create female sexual empowerment? Some might say that for a woman to be sexually empowered she must be experienced. Others might say she must know how to be charming and have great sexual charisma, but true female sexual empowerment includes all of this and more. You may think that with the over usage of the word “sexy” these days, the prostitution of sex, and the rampant use of pornography as the new form of sex education, that female sexual empowerment is a given. But the message that is being blasted into the minds and hearts of teen girls and young adult women is not one of sexual empowerment but rather one of enslavement. The truth is that what makes a woman truly powerful is learning how to use her natural given gifts and talents. Those things that make her, you, the funniest, smartest, or wittiest and to learn how to cultivate these talents and attributes whether they be beauty, wit, brains, sex appeal, or all of the above. Betsey Prioleau author of the book, Seductress, Women Who Ravished the World and Their Lost Art of Love, tells us that the archetype of the seductress has been given a bad rap. "She has been villainized as the terrible goddess {who} rules over desire and seduction, a bloodthirsty ball breaker like Salome and Circe, and the antithesis of virtuous femininity." Throughout history, there have been women who have taken their Goddess talents and ravished the world in which they lived. Without these sex goddesses, we would not have known what true female sexual empowerment looked like, felt like, or acted like. What made these women different from the rest of the women of their time? Many lived during eras where women had no choices of any kind, no education, or way to earn a living other than what was dictated to them by the social structure in which they lived. Why were these women unafraid to step out of the mold and dare to be true to themselves? By understanding this we can learn how we can do the same today. Dressing sexy or having a lot of sexual experience doesn't give you true sexual empowerment although it may give you self-confidence. It is what our current western culture would like us to believe but it falls short in describing and demonstrating what authentic feminine sexual empowerment is. I say sexual, because, women are sexual by design. They have breasts and vulvas and for thousands of years during the reign of the Great Goddess, were seen as the Creatress of all life. In the ancient religions of the Goddess men and women have envisioned goddesses of sexuality and worshipped them. The ever-present symbol of that is the yoni or triangle. A New Roadmap Women today need a new roadmap to learn how to reconnect with their authentic feminine power. This can be found in many ways but the one way that I suggest is one of the most interesting and effective is through studying the seductresses of old and new. Women today have the advantage that many of these women did not have. Today we have permission to explore our sexuality, to dress with a flare that expresses our own sense of style, we are independent, self-supporting, and have more sexual experience than our predecessors were ever allowed. Learning how to embody and integrate the archetypes of the goddesses of love as well as the sacred sensual and essential arts of seduction would support women in embodying more of their authentic sexual power. The Art of Seduction
The Sirens of old knew that to be a woman who understood the art of seduction you had to first be true to your own yourself. They were brave, and courageous and weren't afraid to break the rules. Here are some of the things I have learned from them and from my own experience.
If you wish to conquer the world be brave, bold, daring, and the most authentic version of yourself that you can be. You are already a unique person since each of us is born with our own unique gifts and talents. Make the most of what you already have, show off your strengths, and underplay your weaknesses. Trust yourself and your own intuition as to what action needs to be taken when it does and even if you make a mistake just carry on as if it was meant to be. The last and most important thing to remember is that as a woman who knows how to handle her innate sexual power never, ever apologize for it. Never ever apologize for being a woman who is too hot to handle.  Where does the power of a woman reside? Where does your power reside? Innate within every woman is the power that her body and her sex hold. This power was pure once upon a time. The power of a woman’s body was sacred and honored. The power of her sex was celebrated as a divine expression of the Goddess. The power of a woman’s beauty, her wit, intelligence and creativity were equally as important as any other aspect of her form. But over time this power was corrupted because it was too powerful and something to be feared. To gain power over the populace of the time, the Hebrew patriarchs and later the Christian Patriarchs set-up laws and religious dogma to diminish the power of the Goddess and of women. The power of women especially her sexual power needed to be controlled and the only way to effectively do this was to teach the people that women’s curiosity, intelligence, and sexuality was dangerous. So over time women began to lose their freedoms one by one. Bit by bit women lost all of their human rights and freedoms and were reduced to being the property of men. As men took charge of women’s sexuality, they called it profane and named it as their domain, property. Women began to believe the lies that they were fed by the religious patriarchs who wrote it into the laws and into the myths of the culture that women’s sexuality needed to be controlled. Women eventually began to forget the power of their sexual nature and that they were sovereign and free. They began to see their body and their sex as dirty, as entertainment for men, as a commodity to be bought and sold, and they began to apologize for being a woman. Women, we forgot that we were an expression of the divine feminine and that our bodies were sacred. We forgot that our sexuality was our own to do with as we pleased and that it was also something to be used as a gift or to heal or to give pleasure to ourselves and others. Is Your Sexuality Sacred or Profane? Do you see your body as a temple or as a commodity to display and/or sell? Is your identity based on cultural standards of beauty used to only attract or are you strong in yourself? Is your beauty, sexuality rooted in a clear identity with your authentic feminine nature and sense of wholeness and purity? These are important questions to ask yourself. We are living in a world where sexual abuse, and violence toward women is normal. We still live in a rape culture and a misogynistic world. The only way we can change these harsh facts is to change how we feel and see ourselves. You have the opportunity to look at the ideas and beliefs that you have internalized from your culture about being a woman. How you feel about your body, your sexuality, and your effectiveness in a man’s world. A woman’s true power is in her ability to know herself as an independent being expressing her feminine nature. She respects herself and her body, she knows her own worth. Her power lies in her ability to be at ease and comfortable in her own body and with her sexual power. When a woman can contain her feminine power, her sexuality from within she is then fully in her true power as a woman.  What You Can Do to Connect with Your Authentic Sexual Power
If you would like to contact me to discuss a private session please email me at: [email protected] . Please go to my FB page and like us: The New Feminine Mystique @Newfemininemystique Instagram: luminessa.enjara  What's your sexy, is a question that I like to ask women of all ages. I often wonder if living in the world that we do confuses women and girls as to what being a sexually empowered woman is all about. What if you could just stop for a moment and begin to ask yourself what does it mean for me to be truly sexually empowered? I wonder what your answer might be.
For some, it may mean how they express themselves in the bedroom and the different flavors of energy that you express in a particular way. For others, there might be a much broader definition. such as what turns you on at any given moment. So it could be writing a blog, or dancing or being in nature or anything that is using your creative energy. Sex, of course, is part of that but it is not exclusive to that. The New Standards of the Hook-up Generation The hook-up culture today has morphed into an "anything goes" culture. Sexual identification has become more blurred and so sexual preferences are not so rigid as they once were. The new standard for women in their twenties seems to be embracing the "zipless fuck" of the women's lib generation, sex just for the pleasure of it. Nothing else is required or needed. Just sex for the sake of getting off. Romantic relationships aren't as important as they once were, falling in love a bit passe. But is this a good thing? I have heard women say that since men have always been the ones to love'm and leave'm that now it is their time to do the same. The table has turned and more and more young women are embracing the idea that sex is no more than a physical relationship of mutual pleasure. If this is the new norm for our youth and for the millennials, I feel concerned that they will lose something very valuable...which is how to create and experience what it means to be an authentically powerful, sexually aware and savvy woman. A woman who embodies all of the qualities of her innate feminine qualities and her feminine sexual essence. This term was originally introduced to me by David Deida. I am adding to it and in some ways expanding his definition here. Your Feminine Sexual Essence is:
It seems that these women have no context from which to live from and nothing to feel connected to that can show them how to embody these qualities, and that will also assist them in understanding what true feminine sexual power is. Being willing to explore your feminine sexual power, to learn how to understand it, how to use it with integrity, how to embody it with grace and how to begin to own what I call your Sexual Presence is what I am here to offer. Don't you think it is time to be the change that we are all seeking to happen in our world? Rather than go back to trying to mimic how men have treated women for centuries I am suggesting that we reconnect with in our authentic feminine power and begin to establish a new way, a new paradigm for all women and girls to grow into.  For centuries women have been classified into categories of being either good or bad. Good being virginal, (her hymen intact), a woman that does not sleep around or who is not promiscuous; bad meaning, just the opposite, a “whore”, slut, seductress/seducer, a woman who enjoys sex with many men who steals other women’s men or who just enjoys sex. Although today in Western society, women have more freedom than ever before, these old attitudes still remain. In many other countries throughout the world a woman’s virginity is still considered a prize possession kept only for her husband and if a woman is found to not be virginal when she is of a marriageable age she is ostracized and considered ruined and unclean. These attitudes have been accepted by the collective field of humanity, and therefore passed down from generation to generation. Women, in particular, have taken these attitudes to heart as they have been passed down from great-grandmother to grandmother, to mother and daughter. They alive become entrenched within the collective psyche of all women and within the cellular memory of our bodies. These ideas have become so prevalent and accepted as the norm that one of the worst things you can call another girl or woman is a “whore”, this word being an all-inclusive “bad” girl who sleeps around. As a result of this women have felt split between the two. Am I a good girl or bad girl, Madonna or whore these being the only two choices we have had. Although today, we have to some degree shifted some of these old ways of thinking about women’s sexuality, you can still see the effects of these entrenched beliefs played out in our media and on advertising, music, and videos. Especially hurt are young girls who are still being told that their primary value is to be beautiful and sexy at any age.  "The separation into priestess and prostitute, or sacred and profane polarities, occurred for western civilization when the early fathers of Christianity claimed power by abolishing goddess worship and other nature-based pagan religions. In actuality, the bipartite woman, both whore, and Madonna, was a construct of the early Papal Councils around 600 AD.”
This separation was designed to diminish the power of the Goddess and her representatives, the priestesses of Her temples. Priestesses were eventually regulated to perform only certain tasks by the priests who were now given full range of power. The Origin of the Word Whore The term "sacred whore" is not an oxymoron. If we explore the etymology of the words "whore" or "harlot," we find that the split between "priestess" and "prostitute" is a relatively recent one. In her book When God Was A Woman, Merlin Stone informs us that the Hebrew word zonah means both prostitute and prophetess. Barbara Walker, in her Dictionary of Woman's Myths and Secrets, points out that the Hebrew word hor means a cave, pit, or dark hole. The Spanish word for whore, puta, derives from the Latin term for a well, but the Latin term for grave, literally "a hole in the earth," is puticuli, meaning womb of rebirth. These terms for whore were not derogatory. The Latin term had its roots in the Vedic, an early Sanskrit language, wherein the word puta is defined as pure and holy. The cave, the pit, the hole, and the bottomless black lake were metaphors for the Great Goddess, She who is unnameable, that darkness primordial from which all life (light) is born. She is the Everything and The Nothing -- Hole-y, Holy, Wholly. The Sacred Whore at work was, in fact, the manifestation the Great Goddess. Today these ideas are not completely lost. The Hebrew folk dance named the hora, a tradition at Jewish weddings is named after the circle dances of the sacred harlots. Such holy harlots were often "brides of God" similar to modern nuns, the "brides of Christ." The holy harlots were set apart to give birth to Sons of God. In other words, these women had the job of changing human-animal into human-god. It is time for women everywhere to reclaim their Herstory and to take back the original meaning of this word. The change must come from women first in order to effect a change in how the word is used. Just like the word cunt was reclaimed, women have the power, you have the power to reclaim the holy sacredness of your sexuality and your sexual power. By taking back the word Whore, and restoring it to its original meaning not only will you and I benefit but so will your daughters and all women everywhere. |
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